Saturday, April 20, 2013

SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS (2012)

A screenwriter (Colin Farrell) is having troubles with his drinking, his relationship with his girlfriend and coming up for an idea for his next script.  His best friend (Sam Rockwell) is an unhinged douchebag who (along with Christopher Walken) make money by kidnapping dogs and then collecting the reward.  What an asshole.  Anyway, so one day Rockwell kidnaps the prized dog of a local gangster (Woody Harrelson) who will stop at nothing to get his dog back.  That's not the strongest setup ever, but it does have potential to lead up to some awesomely over-the-top stuff going on...but no.  Instead, we have Rockwell talking nonstop while being self-destructive and crazed and for some unknown reason Farrell just sticks with him throughout it all.  Doesn't this guy have any normal, non-crazy friends?

With a title like SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS my mind was exploding with all kinds of awesome possibilities, but instead we get stuff like a serial killer that hunts serial killers.  Wow.  That's deep.  I too am a fan of Dexter.  Or a guy who hates somebody so much he follows him into Hell.  Amazing.  That's deep.  I enjoyed WHAT DREAMS MAY COME also.

Maybe if you've only seen three movies in your entire life, SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS will come off as original and clever, but as a grumpy old coot that's seen a lot of goddamn movies (example: the Vietnamese psycho's story reminded me of a 8-minute Australian horror short film I saw back in the early 1990's.) SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS started out promising enough for the first few minutes, but by the halfway point I was beginning to daydream hard.

Mild violence, lots of talking, miscasting, mild nudity, Shiner Bock beer, gangster with big shiny gun and old Cadillac convertible, more talking.  Worth a watch, I guess.  Or not.

Friday, April 19, 2013

ALONG THE GREAT DIVIDE (1951)

Excellent western.  Kirk Douglas (in his first western) plays a law man who, along with his two deputies, come upon a man (Walter Brennan) about to get lynched.  Kirk rescues the guy and hears from the lynching party that he's guilty of murder.  Kirk reminds them that it's not up to them to take the law into their own hands and he's gonna take the accused man into town for a fair trial.  Easier said than done cause the town is a long way off and the men from the lynching party are hellbent on killing this dude.  Added to the direct threat of getting shot by the men trailing them, Douglas has to deal with the psychological warfare being dealt out by the accused man (and his daughter Virginia Mayo) who will do anything to free him including turning Kirk's own deputies against him.

I don't know what the earliest example of the "transporting-the-prisoner" sub-genre is, but this does a great job of it.  Quick pace, top-notch acting, well-written script, beautiful desert scenery, good camerawork.  Overall ALONG THE GREAT DIVIDE is a solid film.  Recommended.

Double-feature with THE NAKED SPUR.

CUTTHROAT ISLAND (1995)

Ever wanted to see a movie that killed a once successful production company?  Well, here's your chance!  And, sadly, that curiosity factor is the only thing this peg-legged turkey has going for it.  Carolco Pictures was once pretty awesome.  They released the first three Rambo movies, TERMINATOR 2, JACOB'S LADDER, ANGEL HEART, CLIFFHANGER, BASIC INSTINCT, THE DOORS, STARGATE, but then, for whatever insane reason, they decided to sink $98 million into a pirate movie featuring Geena Davis and Matthew Modine.  To put the insanity of that in perspective: 1995's GOLDENEYE only cost $60 million to make.  Released on December 22, 1995 on 1619 screens, CUTTHROAT ISLAND didn't even place in the Top 10.  Instead, it came in right behind DRACULA: DEAD AND LOVING IT and ended up only making $10 million total at the box office.  Jesus wept.  What's funny is MUPPET TREASURE ISLAND was released just a few months later ended up making over $34M at the box office.

So anyway.  Is it any good?  Not really.  The story is about a pirate who's trying to gather up three pieces of a treasure map that lead to a super treasure.  That's...pretty much it.  Of course, there's other people after the maps, but after a few minutes it's easy to see that there's no real danger and no matter how tight of a squeeze our heroes get in, they still have time to spout off lame jokes.  The action scenes are full of explosions, swinging swords and flailing limbs, but they're just not exciting.  While I was watching it I kept thinking in my handsome brain "How did this get green-lit at all, let alone for $98 million?!"

The dialogue is wooden and stiff and the story is just uninspired and boring.  Not a terrible film, but I hope that I never have to sit through it ever again.  Skip it and never look back.